Identity problem – an alternative view

Wow, very brave previous post from my co-author, and yes, I agree, we have a huge identity problem. I chose to become a mother at the age of 22, had not really put too much thought into children at that age really but then was told I had certain medical issues that meant early or not at all for children. Looking back on how it was all dealt with I didn’t ever really sit and decide that I actually wanted children, it was just a matter of well if you tell me I can’t, I will.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my 3 children dearly, even when I am hating them as those horrible, foul aliens that teenagers become for a while. But I have always struggled with the idea that motherhood was supposed to be all-encompassing. I will probably offend many mothers out there but I have to admit I found motherhood boring. Let me repeat again, I do love my children and they know it, they absolutely believe it, but for me staying at home and mothering was not enough. I take my hat off to all those who can excel at full-time parenting, it is the hardest job in the world.

When I decided to go back to work (part-time) after my first child was 6-weeks-old, there was an uproar from most people I knew, I was accused of abandoning my child, that I was cold and heartless, selfish and so on. I didn’t then, and I still don’t, want to be judged by only one aspect of my life. My children have been a gift, they have taught me many things and I hope that in return I have set them an example of stepping outside of conventions and being true to yourself, of forging your own life, not living someone else’s.

Combining working with raising children is not easy, there are constant compromises and sacrifices, but I know my children admire me for all the tough times, and I look at the great people they have turned out to be and I do not see that they have missed out or have been disadvantaged. I have tried to instill the belief in my children that identities are multifaceted, they should never limit themselves. Time will tell how successful I have been.

A friend of Lipstick Rhetoric’s has recently decided to embark on trekking Kokoda to raise funds for a charity she sits on the board of. She started a blog so donors could follow her training and preparation and one posting in particular stirred up a hornets nest, all based around this idea of identity. See this link for her views on Whether a Mother should Trek Kokoda.

Let’s set no limitations!

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